An Update For You

Good evening, friends! I thought I would stop by and check in with you. Life over the last few weeks has brought a lot of change to my home.

We traveled to Omaha to see my wonderful friends, the Prairie Girls, and then on to Michigan to visit my lovely inlaws. Maybe I’ll come back and write a post about the trip itself, it has many yarnie stories for you. Just not tonight. 

After we came back we prepared for me to have surgery. On October 1st I had my thyroid completely removed. I stayed overnight in the hospital and returned home on Friday to rest and begin recuperating. As of 20 minutes from when I write this, it has been two whole weeks since the surgery happened. It feels like a lifetime away.

I’ll spare you the details of the actual reasons why we decided to remove my thyroid, but it was a long time coming. The big news is that the results came back from pathology as benign; we mostly expected this result but it was a huge sigh of relief anyway. I can definitely already tell, though, that this was the right move for my health and my family. 

Medically speaking, the recovery is going well. I am only in a little pain now, my voice is almost back to a normal level and I have resumed my responsibilities as a full time mom again. We have been so blessed with childcare help and meals, blessings that have made all of the difference in recovering so well. I am still taking it easy and listening to my body’s request for rest. As a result, I am getting a lot of knitting done, which of course is great. 

Psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually I am also recovering though not quite in the way I expected. Life right now feels like it’s moving in slow motion. I feel like a completely different person. Part of it I’m sure is the change in hormones, and the other part is the break from work and podcasting and volunteering and all of the other “stuff” I have put on hold until after Christmas. There are definite changes, though. My mind processes things differently, in a slower, more direct fashion. I have typed out example after example for you, only to go back and delete it because it doesn’t really make sense in print. It’s hard to verbalize, but trust me, it’s there.

The biggest thing I have right now is a sense of peace in the direction I am going. I sometimes feel like I have been replaced with an imposter version of myself, sometimes I wonder if this is truly who I was meant to be. I worry (not “worry,” really, more like “happen to wonder”?) If my friends and family recognize this person, and still like her? I don’t doubt they will still love her, I feel very fortunate to have a very accepting and loving family. But will they still see me the same way? In some ways I hope so, in other ways I don’t. Like I said, it’s hard to explain. I’m sure after I go back to a lot of my “stuff” some of that other version of myself will come back, as well as when my hormones level out. But I can already tell not all of it will return. In the meantime, I plan on doing a lot of knitting and resting and spending a good fall season with my family. I hope you are well. Please feel free to comment below or shoot me a message. As an extrovert with a love language of quality time, messages from you make my days all the more joyful, which helps me get better every day. Blessings!

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5 thoughts on “An Update For You

  1. Jennie Kaderabek says:

    Emily, I’m so glad your recovery is going well! Unfortunately, they thyroid can be a beast to deal with both when it is in place and when removed. Hoping med/hormone levels are sorted out soon. As for what you are feeling, I think many of us feel that way. Have you heard about imposter syndrome? I really need to search out books about it. I think many women/people have these feelings at one time or another, me included. As for feeling like you have changed? I still call you a friend and will as long as you’ll have me!

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  2. Kristyn says:

    I am so glad you are on the road to recovery. I think sometimes as wives and mothers we place so much of our energy on others that when we have the time to actually sit and reflect on ourselves we do feel like we are different. Again, like you, I cannot really put it into words but I do understand what you mean. All the best to you and your family.

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  3. Laurie says:

    I’m glad to hear you are doing well. Taking care of you is the most important thing you can do. You will be back to your self soon.

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  4. Kerry says:

    I had to get my thyroid radiated when my youngest was 8 months old so I know what kind of craziness those hormones can cause. I am glad to hear you are on the mend and hope things continue to level out for you. The change will help turn you into the person your loved ones have known was buried under all of "the crazy" and will be happy to help you return to your best self.

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  5. Jen says:

    So happy to hear your recovery is going well. I hope you will continue on the road back to you – give yourself time and keep us posted 🙂

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